I picked this topic today because I am curious what life and learning had to do with me and whether I could have helped my girls more during difficult times for them.
I have said that I lived with mum and dad until I was 10-11 yrs old. My Dad left and so started a series of events that culminated in me leaving school with a handful of ‘O’ levels. When you consider 8-9 of my school cohort went to Oxbridge, you can imagine a handful of ‘O’ levels was not much to fall back on. But comparing my last year of school to the previous 4 is not fair.
For me, the path to learning was interrupted by events that I let take over me, for a period of time just long enough to create a ‘pause’ that extended into something else. I left school, instead of working harder. I got a job and some money, then felt I didn’t need to go to college for ‘A’ levels. I was on my way already. Then my beloved Gran died, then I had an accident that hurt my back (future blogs around these two events). While in hospital and then recuperating, before going on a rather bizarre bicycle tour of South West Ireland…I ruminated. I asked Now What?
So I applied to universities (with 7 ‘O’ levels). But miracle of miracles, I got offered a place on what was then called Extended Science course. A 1 year program designed to bring mature students (I was 21), into University via a pretty intense science course. I passed, went straight into a Chemistry Degree program, got 1st Class Honours and then completed a PhD. There is, in here, a story all on its own. So, why did I not go straight through from ‘O’ levels to PhD?
I think it was because I didn’t think I could do it when I was 16. I had been literally dragged from a school in Cornwall back to Nottingham. I loved that school In Cornwall. I may not have done much better, but I would have been happier, made better choices (maybe), but mostly happier. Who can study when they are sad?
The point is, I didn’t reckon for the impact of divorce on my two daughters. I didn’t estimate that they would have a sadness that overtook their learning. This came when my ex-wife and I separated. Before that they were flying, and after that……
So, now what do I focus on? Happiness. Now when I talk to my girls about how school or college is going, I don’t deal in ultimatums or ‘You have to do it” kind of stuff. They’re not listening to that. I talk about their dreams, their hopes and expectations for their young selves. I then ask them how it looks to get there. I had a lovely chat with my middle daughter about English and Maths…she hates both. But at some point she realised that whatever college she goes to she will need her Maths and English GCSE as well as the ones she enjoys a little more. So we’re focussing on passing, not excelling or some other thing. She’d rather excel in what she enjoys. So, I’m going with that. Let’s get you past the point you don’t like, but need.
When she is in her catering course, or restaurant apprenticeship and learning to be a chef, well that’s her world. The only job I have in her learning path now is to be there when she calls to talk, to help her with the assignments. To hug her (COVID-allowing) when she passes and goes on to doing what she really wants to do.
And, now what? 